Love this. So beautiful. Living in northeast Tennessee has been eye opening, world-expanding, and scary at times, after having grown up in Massachusetts and living in other countries over the years. And, most people here with whom I disagree politically are lovely humans. Just trying to take care of their families, live their values. The curiosity piece seems so critical to healing, connection. In his book, "Ways of Being...." James Bridle talked about shifting our question from something like, "why are you different than me?" to "what is it like to be you?" (I'm not getting it exactly right, hopefully the gist is clear).
I have changed. I KNOW I have changed. And yet, I still can get my judgmental hat on.
It’s HARD to leave safe space for dialogue.
It’s HARD to know when to shut up~ because I so so want them, him, her to CHANGE NOW.
Truth is some of my most extreme changes happened slowly, in the silence of my mind.
Truth is some of the things I read, heard simmered in my head / heart for years before I had matured/aged enough to “hear” them. And if I had remained in the culture of my youth I might never have changed my beliefs about how the world works.
I am forever grateful for my teachers. One of whom is named Parker Palmer. One of the many whom I never will meet.
Thank you so much, Brisa. We all learn from each other, and for that I'm very grateful. As you say, the work we are called to do is HARD—which makes me think of my friend Carrie Newcomer and her song "You Can Do this Hard Thing." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2UczPBNoIM
Yes, we have fallen off our high horse and the view is different from down here. Is it a new found humility that has people reaching out to each other? I've noticed an increase in human warmth, connection, and kindness. It's time to realize our shortcomings, to forgive, and let go of the past. Acknowledging our failings prevents prideful contempt, superiority, and denial. The fact is what has happened in other nations is happening here and the question is what are we going to do about it? We are being called to learn to love in a way we never knew before. Democracy demands it of us.
Thank you, Judith. Yes, "the view is different from down here," and that gives us a chance to speak and act in new and more life-giving ways. And a big yes to "we are being called to love in a way we never knew before." May it be so.
Thank you! In addition to your points, I’ve found it’s important to start from a position of humility. Meaning, assuming for a moment that I am missing something important and that I can learn from the other person, even if they have beliefs and opinions that I don’t agree with. I believe we’re all party to how we got here, in this scary position as a country, and we need to find a new path, a third way forward that we haven’t considered before or knew existed. Grabbing the reins of power back and forth between the right and left is exhausting and doesn’t serve us well.
I agree with you that we’ve been humbled as a nation. But, I also suspect we were telling ourselves a narrative of greatness that had a core of truth to it, but wasn’t really real. The picture we were painting was aspirational, but not complete. Hopefully, this time gives us a chance to look in the mirror as Americans, critically and honestly and learn who we truly are and what we want to be in the world.
Thank you, Elizabeth. I altogether agree with your notion that a good conversation starts with the assumption that I can always stand to learn something new, even (and maybe especially) from unexpected sources. In the work I do with groups, we always say, "If you hear something that sets your teeth on edge, turn to wonder: 'I wonder why he/she holds that belief,' and 'I wonder what it says about me that I reacted as I did.'"
What an incisive piece, Parker! You are the king (haha) of busting both “us” and “them” even while reminding us to have mercy for the mixed bags that we clearly are. Thank you for the reference to the fabulous Kuisz and Wigura article (special thanks to them for holding out hope for more young folks to join the protests). Five stars to you for the brilliant “delusions of adequacy” and “misleaders”. Thank you for pouring your heart out to us over and over again!
Thanks so much, dear friend! As always, I'm so grateful for your encouraging comments and, of course, for getting my jokes like "delusions of adequacy." I have those myself from time to time! Love to all three of you...
Hi, Rick, and thanks for your good words. As for scores of invisible comments, I'm new to Substack and I don't know anything about making comments invisible. If someone is "disappearing" them, it's not me.
Thank you for the recommendations from Poland and for this John Lewis story. I think you will want to correct the caption, which reads "Edmund" instead of Elwin.
Thank you Parker Palmer. It’s refreshing to read your words, encouraging us to move past our enemy mindset and see each other & listen to each other as human beings.
We each have a story and when I find out a person’s story from their life experiences, it helps me understand why they chose the political & religious views they chose. What’s hard is when it’s a one way street and the other person does not try to understand me and my views, but keeps pushing theirs. I went through this with my own sister. We are opposites in many ways.
But we are still family & we care about each other. I eventually learned to accept her as she is & stop expecting her to be how I wanted her to be. Eventually, she also accepted our differences.
Once again you're demonstrating the hard-won wisdom age and sincere spiritual practice can bring. As a person not quite your age and not close to you in terms of earned wisdom, all I can do is salute, and seal a sincere intention to follow in your footsteps.
People can change. Wow. Yes. The container part caught my attention- I know how to do this… have done it forever in my work interactions- somehow this clicked today. Thank you.
Thank you...this was wonderful. Much needed.
Thank you for this insight… it is very helpful.
Love this. So beautiful. Living in northeast Tennessee has been eye opening, world-expanding, and scary at times, after having grown up in Massachusetts and living in other countries over the years. And, most people here with whom I disagree politically are lovely humans. Just trying to take care of their families, live their values. The curiosity piece seems so critical to healing, connection. In his book, "Ways of Being...." James Bridle talked about shifting our question from something like, "why are you different than me?" to "what is it like to be you?" (I'm not getting it exactly right, hopefully the gist is clear).
Thank you for this post, Parker.
Thanks, Irene. I'm glad it spoke to you.
Much of what we have is going down the tubes, but who we are is rising in dignity and we shall rise again In love, with love, and together!
Thank you, Diane. Yes, we shall overcome!
I have changed. I KNOW I have changed. And yet, I still can get my judgmental hat on.
It’s HARD to leave safe space for dialogue.
It’s HARD to know when to shut up~ because I so so want them, him, her to CHANGE NOW.
Truth is some of my most extreme changes happened slowly, in the silence of my mind.
Truth is some of the things I read, heard simmered in my head / heart for years before I had matured/aged enough to “hear” them. And if I had remained in the culture of my youth I might never have changed my beliefs about how the world works.
I am forever grateful for my teachers. One of whom is named Parker Palmer. One of the many whom I never will meet.
Thank you so much, Brisa. We all learn from each other, and for that I'm very grateful. As you say, the work we are called to do is HARD—which makes me think of my friend Carrie Newcomer and her song "You Can Do this Hard Thing." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2UczPBNoIM
Yes, we have fallen off our high horse and the view is different from down here. Is it a new found humility that has people reaching out to each other? I've noticed an increase in human warmth, connection, and kindness. It's time to realize our shortcomings, to forgive, and let go of the past. Acknowledging our failings prevents prideful contempt, superiority, and denial. The fact is what has happened in other nations is happening here and the question is what are we going to do about it? We are being called to learn to love in a way we never knew before. Democracy demands it of us.
Thank you, Judith. Yes, "the view is different from down here," and that gives us a chance to speak and act in new and more life-giving ways. And a big yes to "we are being called to love in a way we never knew before." May it be so.
Thank you! In addition to your points, I’ve found it’s important to start from a position of humility. Meaning, assuming for a moment that I am missing something important and that I can learn from the other person, even if they have beliefs and opinions that I don’t agree with. I believe we’re all party to how we got here, in this scary position as a country, and we need to find a new path, a third way forward that we haven’t considered before or knew existed. Grabbing the reins of power back and forth between the right and left is exhausting and doesn’t serve us well.
I agree with you that we’ve been humbled as a nation. But, I also suspect we were telling ourselves a narrative of greatness that had a core of truth to it, but wasn’t really real. The picture we were painting was aspirational, but not complete. Hopefully, this time gives us a chance to look in the mirror as Americans, critically and honestly and learn who we truly are and what we want to be in the world.
Thank you, Elizabeth. I altogether agree with your notion that a good conversation starts with the assumption that I can always stand to learn something new, even (and maybe especially) from unexpected sources. In the work I do with groups, we always say, "If you hear something that sets your teeth on edge, turn to wonder: 'I wonder why he/she holds that belief,' and 'I wonder what it says about me that I reacted as I did.'"
I really like that! I’m going to remind myself to ‘turn to wonder’ when things get tense. Take care.
What an incisive piece, Parker! You are the king (haha) of busting both “us” and “them” even while reminding us to have mercy for the mixed bags that we clearly are. Thank you for the reference to the fabulous Kuisz and Wigura article (special thanks to them for holding out hope for more young folks to join the protests). Five stars to you for the brilliant “delusions of adequacy” and “misleaders”. Thank you for pouring your heart out to us over and over again!
Thanks so much, dear friend! As always, I'm so grateful for your encouraging comments and, of course, for getting my jokes like "delusions of adequacy." I have those myself from time to time! Love to all three of you...
Beautiful, powerful, redemptive ....inspires me to do the hard work of creating bridging conversations. So much to reflect on. Thank you.
Thank you, Jennifer. I'm glad you want to give this a try. May it be full of hopeful surprises!
Beautiful, wise essay - we must link up with every possible ally we can find in this huge struggle for liberty and justice for all.
Strange that scores of comments are invisible. Hard to imagine there being a large number of repulsive comments here. 🤷♂️
Hi, Rick, and thanks for your good words. As for scores of invisible comments, I'm new to Substack and I don't know anything about making comments invisible. If someone is "disappearing" them, it's not me.
Thank you for the recommendations from Poland and for this John Lewis story. I think you will want to correct the caption, which reads "Edmund" instead of Elwin.
Thank you Parker Palmer. It’s refreshing to read your words, encouraging us to move past our enemy mindset and see each other & listen to each other as human beings.
We each have a story and when I find out a person’s story from their life experiences, it helps me understand why they chose the political & religious views they chose. What’s hard is when it’s a one way street and the other person does not try to understand me and my views, but keeps pushing theirs. I went through this with my own sister. We are opposites in many ways.
But we are still family & we care about each other. I eventually learned to accept her as she is & stop expecting her to be how I wanted her to be. Eventually, she also accepted our differences.
We got to reach out to the folks who fell for the billionaires propaganda. Their lies are clear to see now for all. Its the only way forward.
Once again you're demonstrating the hard-won wisdom age and sincere spiritual practice can bring. As a person not quite your age and not close to you in terms of earned wisdom, all I can do is salute, and seal a sincere intention to follow in your footsteps.
People can change. Wow. Yes. The container part caught my attention- I know how to do this… have done it forever in my work interactions- somehow this clicked today. Thank you.